14/08/2018

๐Ÿ•น️๐Ÿ•ตThe Video Games Hall Of Shame - #1: "Matilda Tells Us Her Guilty Video Gaming Secrets" ๐Ÿ•น️๐Ÿ•ต #Retrogaming @Bhaal_Spawn

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As games players, we all know that it’s impossible to play all the games in the world. 
Hell; its often impossible just to play all the games we actually buy!

I regularly buy games in a Steam sale which I know will download straight to the back of the queue; confused and surprised, having expected to immediately be mummy’s, new baby. 
But NO; they wait an eternity, naked in cold oblivion.
But those games are the lucky ones. 

Sometimes, some games pass you by completely and don’t even get to your list in the first place.
Either way, these are the games which I have never played and which cause me shame.


1. any Final Fantasy
Its true, I’ve never played a Final Fantasy game. The reasons are two-fold.

One; I’m basically a PC player, so I never really had the opportunity.

Two; I’m a massive snob! I mean; I’m a PC gamer, so it obviously comes with the territory anyway. But growing up with RPG gems like Ultima and Planescape Torment, I assumed JRPGs were simple affairs, unburdened by complex plot or characters.

But please put out that fire and untie me from this stake, because I recently started playing Chrono Trigger and I’m really enjoying it.

I need to get through that first, but then, because Final Fantasy has such a huge reputation, I think it’d be wise to trust you, other humans, a bit more and have a go at FF7. It's about time!

2. any Zelda
The same applies to this game really. 

Link always looked like a Funko Pop Robin Hood to me, and it put me off. My only experience of Zelda was the Phantom Hourglass on the DS. I got to a point early on where you must blow into the mic to blow a candle out. 
When I realised what I had to do, did it and it worked, my mind snapped – it was so brilliant! 

Sadly, and I don’t know why, but I got distracted and moved onto something else and never tried a Zelda game again. 
I think I must really hate Funko Pop.

3. Prey 2016
System Shock, Bioshock… games like these are what the new Prey is compared to. 
Basically, two of my favourite games!

I own it. So why haven’t I played this one? I can only blame Steam Sales. 

You probably know the feeling; every sale brings a new batch of cheap games hurtling from above onto the top of your ‘to-play’ list, burying you and the games which came before them. You reach up through the darkness, clawing to see blessed daylight, but another Steam sale drops and a load more games cover you. You try to scream, but your mouth is full of X-Com 2, which has been discounted by 50%, and a cheap indie title you have no intention of ever playing, but it was so cheap HOW COULD YOU NOT BUY IT!
Oh…. ummm …Sorry about that.

4. Divinity Original Sin
This game is a similar story. Having a huge backlog means that if you don’t get around to playing a game within a year or two, its sequel will likely come around before you play it. This means you’re put into a dilemma. 
I mean, I’d love to play Divinity Original Sin, which is apparently a really nice story-driven RPG. But now its sequel is out! And so is Pillars of Eternity 2. 
You can see what a nightmare this is. 

5. Day of the Tentacle
Adventure games and I have a strange relationship. We have a sort of a love-hate thing going on. 

Most of the famous ones, such as Sam and Max, Day of the Tentacle, Monkey Island et al were released at the time I personally consider to be the pinnacle of gaming, the early to mid 90’s. I consider this because the games were amazing, but it also happened to be the time I had the most fun. Age 10-15 basically. I found games wonderous, amazing and beautiful. 

So too with the LucasArts adventures, which were funny and pretty and I loved to watch them (in the days before streaming, this meant sitting on my friend’s bed and watching him play whilst his mother popped in unsubtly to make sure no funny business was going on).

Playing on the other hand… my brain just melted at the puzzles. It was so frustrating! Use the pin on the bubblegum, then the helium canister on the… nope, I’m lost.

All that lufferly artwork and I would just end up punching my own leg in frustration. It basically put me off adventures for life. Which is a shame, as everyone else in the whole world seems to like them! 

One day, I'll get round to playing and finishing these games. 
But until then, they must continue to wait their turn patiently. 
Whilst, as for me; I must continue to hide my guilty secrets, by nodding sagely and pretending I know all about ‘that bit’ in Final Fantasy 7.

You can follow Matilda on Twitter where you will learn about bagels and big box games alongside how to use story dice effectively @Bhaal_Spawn